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Adam Lyons Dating Advice

How Long Should You Wait Before Texting Back?

5 min read
when to text back

Seriously, how long should you wait before texting back?

Treat them mean to keep them keen. 

Wait three days before sending somebody a text message. 

There were all these weird messages and tips in the dating world. Absence makes the heart grow fonder; you’ve got to ignore somebody and make them chase you. These are all absolute, complete crap and none of these things are good. 

Here’s the thing. We live in a world where information is at our fingertips. There are constantly people communicating with us all day, every day. If I break up with one person, I can literally be talking to 20 other people within an hour. I don’t need that individual person. The world’s information moves too fast, communication’s too high. And it’s too easy to connect to others for old tricks to work, like the whole concept from a hundred years ago which says if you ignore them for a while, they’ll feel bad and come back.

These techniques are terrible. It’s really bad advice. Not only is it manipulative, there is a correct amount of time to respond to a text message. I’m going to share it with you. This is how long you should wait before texting them back. 

Respond Promptly But Don’t Wait for the Text Message

You respond to it as soon as you can, but don’t wait for it. What I mean by that is when I’m texting with somebody, I’ll send a text message and then I won’t check my phone until I check my phone. When I check my phone, I will respond. Then once I respond, if I want to sit there and look at my phone for a while, I will, but otherwise I’ll go on and do my day until I’m ready to go and look at my phone again. When I do, I’ll respond to everybody.

Establish a Regular Frequency

This will create what I like to call a regular frequency. It’s a regular frequency of how often I check my phone. I’m like a once an hour kind of guy. I’ll check my phone for a little bit for an hour and then I’ll go and do something else for an hour. Then I’ll come back and check it. Which means if I’m texting with somebody, they’re going to get maybe one or two text messages an hour. And that will be the typical frequency, unless I’m just actually sitting down and texting back and forth with somebody when you know, maybe first thing in the morning when I’m bored or what have you. That’s the kind of thing that you’re going to get going. 

Consider Text Message Ratio

What is far more important than how long you should wait to text? It’s the ratio of text messages. You need your text messages to come at a ratio of one-to-one.

That means I will send a text message and I will never send another one until I receive one. And then when I receive it, I will send another one and I will never send another one until I receive it again. This creates a one-to-one ratio. 

Now this only works if you are formatting your text messages correctly. I have a text message structure that is very important that you follow. You want to have a solid text message structure, because if your message is structured correctly, it’s designed in a way that encourages the other person to reply. 

text back right away

If you’re sending really bad text messages, then the ones who are in ratio won’t really work as well, because you’ll send a message, it will be really bad and they won’t bother replying because it’s a sucky text message, and the whole thing falls apart. 

If your text messages are good, you can literally live in this one-to-one ratio. And the best part about it is you never come across as needy. You never come across as too try-hard and it puts all the pressure on the other person in a similar way to old techniques of not responding or making them wait for three days for a reply. 

What’s great about it is it’s all on them. They’re going to reply and you’re going to reply. And if you keep that ratio of one-to-one, it’s absolutely great. 

One-to-One Ratio: Works Long-Term

There was one situation where I was texting with somebody. We went on a date, we went to bed, we had sex.

And the next day I texted her in the morning and she replied, Hey, it was great seeing you. I replied again. And then nothing for six months, she just never replied. And because of my ratio of one-to-one, I didn’t stress about it. I didn’t worry. I was just like, okay, whatever, you know, I was the one night stand. It’s fine. Six months later, she responds to me: 

Hey, sorry, I didn’t get back to you. 

And so I respond: 

Did you just break up with your boyfriend? 

She said: 

Yeah. How did you know? 

Because it told me that I’m assuming she either just met a boyfriend after that, or maybe she cheated on her boyfriend with me. I don’t know either. She told me she was single, but the point is she ignored me for six months because she was in a relationship with somebody.

how long should you wait before texting back

And then of course, once she was single, she obviously looked through all her text messages. She didn’t respond to me. And then she responded to me and wanted to hang out again. So just a great example of that ratio of one-to-one, of how I will absolutely wait because all the pressure’s on the other person, and then they do come back around. 

In the end it’s not about how long should you wait before texting them back, it’s about keeping the ratio correct

It’s almost always a win for me. Don’t worry about making them wait, but do make sure you keep the ratio correct. 

Try this for a few days and let me know how it works out for you.

Watch Adam Lyons explain exactly how long you should wait before texting back:

Ready to keep the conversation going? Read yesterday’s post on the best way to keep a text conversation interesting.

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