How to Attract a Woman at a Bar (Without Being a Sleaze)

4 min read

How to attract a woman at a bar is all about understanding social value. In any room, there is a secret ranking of absolutely everybody there, from highest social value to lowest. In some rooms, this is going to be easier to spot than others, but basically humans are drawn to those that have higher social value as their interactions are going to be more fun, more rewarding, and ultimately, a better experience for the evening. 

However, women and other patrons in the bar will perceive those with a lower social value as somebody who is a drain to hang out with, someone who is tiring, and someone to avoid. Sadly, very few men know this, so they go into a bar and approach a woman directly without increasing their social value. First, this not only gives them a reduced chance of success, but can also make them come across as sleazy and desperate for just one thing.

Major Attraction Tip: Increase Your Social Value 

Someone with a high social value wouldn’t be trying to get laid, as they would have plentiful options. He would simply be choosing from amongst the many options in front of him. This is why your highest chance of success with attracting someone comes down to boosting your social value. 

Increasing your social value is based on two factors: how many people in the bar you’ve met, and how positive their experience was when meeting you. The easiest way to maximize this is to have short, positive conversations with as many people as possible. 

Starting the conversations needs to be done in multiple different ways. If you have the same conversation over and over with absolutely everyone you meet, you’re going to come across as weird. I’m going to give you examples of just three different conversation starters you can use, though you’ll want to expand to use more than these. (For more helpful conversation starters and approach methods, check out The ACE Formula.)

Conversation Starter #1: Provide a Genuine Compliment

You can literally walk up to somebody and say: “Wow, I really love the outfit you have on.” Now, the outfit actually has to look decent, but in these situations, that compliment is almost always going to work. This works best with women if you choose to compliment a physical attribute they’ve chosen for themselves.

Conversation Starter #2: Ask for an Opinion

You can always ask for an opinion, as people love providing input. Say, “This place is really cool, but I’m always looking for cool spots. Do you recommend a bar that maybe I’ve not checked out yet?” 

This is going to create a massive conversation. In fact, the University of Chicago identified that an opinion question was one of the best ways to get a conversation started with someone you’ve never met before. However, because we’re trying to have short conversations here, you’re probably going to end up cutting this conversation short as you move on to other people and continue increasing your social value. 

Conversation Starter #3: Ask a Logistical Question

There’s some information, and you need answers. This conversation starter involves asking for information in a friendly way. For example: “Hey, I’m sorry to bug you, but do you know if the food here is any good? I’m getting really hungry. I wanted to check what the food is like before ordering.” 

Now, there are many different logistical conversations you have, but essentially here, we’re just after a very simple solution to a common problem somebody might have in a bar:

  • What time does the place close? 
  • Where’s the restrooms? 
  • How good is the food? 

Once again, this naturally lends itself to a short conversation, which makes it easier to increase your social value. Your goal with each of these is to keep the conversation down to less than three minutes, and finish each conversation with a smile and a thank you.

Now, if you do this early enough in the night, you’re going to find people smiling at you and nodding their heads. As they recognize you from the earlier friendly conversation, this will naturally make you seem like one of the highest social value people in the room. Even though you had never met anybody before this night from here, you’re already had micro conversations. From there, attracting them is as simple as re-engaging them using the kind of techniques that we share in The ACE Formula, which you can learn more about on our website.

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