Tongue tied around beautiful women? You’re not alone.
After 16 years of coaching men on dating and relationships, I can tell you shyness is an issue that comes up a lot.
I can also tell you, shyness is a behavior that’s learned for our survival (“if I don’t put myself out there, I won’t get hurt”). So just as easily as men can pick it up to “protect” themselves, they can unlearn it to improve their lives.
Another bit of good news?
Even though it can take some time to kick the shyness habit, it’s still 100% possible to attract the right kind of woman without saying a word.
(Maybe a little too good to be true?)
Here’s the thing: nonverbal communication is one of the most powerful tools of attraction a man can use to attract a partner.
In fact, 90% of a man’s “success” is determined before he even opens his mouth— and there’s cold, hard scientific proof to back this up.
Here’s the short version: in the 1980s, psychologist Monica Moore studied nonverbal courtship patterns in women.
And the results… Well, let’s just say they were every shy guy’s dream come true.
Let’s take a look:
Nonverbal Courtship Between Women and Men
In her study, Moore identified that women control the early stages of courtship (but we probably didn’t have to tell you that).
In fact, if a male approaches a woman without receiving a nonverbal invitation to approach first, the chance of success is virtually zero (… we probably didn’t have to tell you that, either).
Except, there’s one big problem.
The problem is that there are two types of men in the world: those who can recognize nonverbal invitations to approach…
And those who can’t.
And as you might have guessed, men who can’t recognize nonverbal signals don’t have much success in the dating world or relationships. Or at least, any consistent success.
They may not even know they’re not picking up the right nonverbal signals from women.
So if it’s almost impossible to know which category you fall into, what’s the best plan of action?
Simple: you can learn to give off your own nonverbal signals instead.
In other words, men can learn to attract women without saying a word.
Nonverbal Dating Tip #1: Present Yourself as Well-Groomed
Speaking of scientific studies, here’s another one that supports the idea that attraction goes well beyond words:
In 1997, scientists Radian and Bloom began a study with a very simple idea: they wanted to identify what physical features were most attractive to the opposite sex.
What they found was, the most attractive features actually came under the category of self-care. Features like:
- Good grooming
- Presentable hair
- Quality clothes that fit well
- Great posture
- Healthy weight
Bottom line? A little effort goes a long way.
That means simply taking a few extra minutes to style your hair, picking out well-fitting clothes, and exercising a little self control in the diet and fitness department put an “average” guy out ahead of the competition.
Nonverbal Dating Tip #2: Take Up Space
Not to be confused with peacocking, taking up space is as simple as standing or sitting with an open posture with shoulders back and arms uncrossed. This can be a bit of a challenge for shy guys at first, but keep at it.
With a few deep breaths, you can start to feel your shoulders relax and open, which tells women that a man is open and available rather than shy or closed off.
Nonverbal Dating Tip #3: Give Her Space
I know, this is a bit confusing isn’t it? How do you take up space while giving the woman you’re talking to space?
Here’s what “giving her space” means:
Stand Close Enough to Talk, But Respect Boundaries
While you don’t need to get too technical, aim to stand a few feet away when you approach a woman you’ve never spoken to. This gives her the space to respond if she wants to, or to back out of the conversation. This comes off as confident rather than too aggressive or forward.
Present Non-Aggressive Body Language
According to psychologists, there’s an easy trick you can use to appear non-threatening: simply smile with your head cocked to one side (just a little bit, not too much). This immediately helps you appear interested and non-threatening without trying too hard.
Engage In Friendly Conversation
I know, I know. I said you didn’t have to say a word. But here’s the thing, at this point, if you’ve followed the rest of these tips, you should be feeling a little more confident in your approach at this point. Plus, engaging in friendly conversation is not the same as pulling out a pick-up line or putting on a show (those don’t work anyway).
Even better? I have an easy ice breaker for you.
After 16 years of studying communication, I can tell you nothing works better than “I couldn’t help but notice your smile.” Then, ask for permission to have a conversation, and allow the other person to respond. More often than not, you’ll hear them say something along the lines of “Yeah, that’s absolutely fine. I wouldn’t mind at all.”
From there? Follow the techniques that we teach inside the ACE Formula (it’s free).