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Adam Lyons Dating Advice

How to Get Over an Ex Fast

15 min read

This is how to get over an ex fast!

Breaking up with an X is one of the most painful things that somebody can go through. In fact, there is a generic rule as far as most psychologists and counselors are concerned.

The advice: it takes as long as half of the length of the relationship to get over breaking up with somebody. Meaning if you’ve been in a relationship for 10 years, it will take five years of grieving to get over them.

how to get over an ex

I can say 100 percent without any fear whatsoever: that’s just not true. 

You can get over your ex in 24 hours. 

The key component that the psychologists and scientists are saying is on average, it’s an analysis of how long it takes people. But in my experience, it only takes that long if you do absolutely nothing about it. 

Now, with that being said, if you are suffering from a very specific unique circumstance, for example, if the breakup is causing anxiety, depression, and you have these very, very real psychological conditions, you do need to see a psychologist or a therapist to get help. 

If however, it’s just a regular breakup, there is no better way to go over your breakup than to use my method. I’ve taught this to over 300,000 people in the last 16 years. This is how to get over your ex within 24 hours.

How to Get Over Your Ex in One Day

This is the method that I use and I’ve used it time and time again. In fact, if you see my relationships, you’ll see that when I break up with somebody, I have no problem posting an image within 24 hours of me moving on with the next person and basically saying:

Hey guys, I live by what I preach. When I break up with somebody I move on within 24 hours. 

And I absolutely will. I used to be divorced and I remember when I used to be married and then I got divorced. And I remember that when I got divorced, my wife looked at me. And she said, “The worst thing about separating from you is knowing that you are going to move on and find somebody better than me.” 

She’s like everyone else I’ve ever dated. I knew that they couldn’t do as good as me, but I’m going to find someone better.

get a divorce to get over an ex

I looked her in the eyes and said, “Absolutely, that’s why I divorced you.” 

So I chose to divorce her because I wanted to have kids. And she woke up one day and decided she didn’t want kids. 

From my perspective, she changed our relationship. We had a deal; we’re gonna get married, we’re gonna have kids. And she shifted it to not having kids. We spoke about this many times, and saw a therapist about it. We tried everything. She absolutely refused to shift on that point, and even said to me to my face, “I’m too beautiful for you to divorce.” 

I divorced her. She was wrong. I moved on and I found somebody better. 

And I can do that time and time again, because that is the skillset I’ve taught myself. 

But it’s not just about being able to attract somebody. It’s about being able to get over the ex first.

How to Get Over the Ex and Get Dates Fast

So you can be in a position to be able to attract somebody, I’m going to teach you how to get over the ex. And I’m also going to give you a couple of quick tips on how to get some immediate dates in 24 hours, because a breakup is the perfect time to meet somebody else. And I’ll explain that a little bit later on throughout this bonus blog post. 

First of all, let’s talk about why breakups happen, because they cause actual physical pain that we can even monitor on an MRI. Now there are a number of reasons. There are theories for why this happens. I’m going to tell you the one that I believe I think is the most likely.\

Why Do Breakups Happen, Anyway?

So bear with me, cause we’re going to talk about this for a second. I want you to think about a dream that you’ve had. Are you capable of recalling that dream? Can you remember that dream? Even though it never happened, you’re recalling this fantastical scenario that just didn’t happen. You know it’s a dream, but you can remember the details from the dream. Our brains completely made up the dream; that’s because the way our memories work, they allow us to access things that we invented and aren’t completely real. And this becomes very important when it comes to getting over an ex. 

Because when you date somebody, you make plans for the future. You imagine what your kids are going to look like. Imagine vacations. You think about what it’s going to be like five years from now.

We’ll be growing old together. All of these things are essentially dreams, daydreams, and imaginations of what the future may look like. And they take up actual space in your mind, and your brain creates memories, right? 

Dopamine Triggers

We’re going to remember these things worse. I call this a dopamine trigger. Dopamine is a positive chemical that is created when you say you’re going to do something and then do it. So for example, dopamine is triggered by eating donuts. So if I say, I’m going to eat a donut, the act of eating the doughnut will release the dopamine because I set a trigger. I’m going to do this. Then when I did it, I received a donut. That’s why they say that instead of eating donuts, you can just go to the gym more often, which is technically true because I can change my dopamine trigger to going to the gym instead of eating a donut.

Then when you do go to the gym, you’re like, wow. I went to the gym. I feel great. That’s that dopamine chemical once again. Another example: my mouth is dry. So I’m looking at the water. I’m going to drink some water. I open up the water. When I drink the water, my brain gives me a little bit of a rush of dopamine. That makes me feel better.  

So that is the dopamine chemical. When you’re imagining doing something in the future with your friends, with a loved one that’s somebody you care about, your body’s going to do the same thing, right? You’re like, Oh, in the future, we’re going to go on vacation to Disneyland. And then your brain sets it up as a dopamine trigger. So when you go to Disneyland, your brain releases that dopamine.

Destroy the triggers on the same day to get over an ex

The problem comes if a whole bunch of triggers get destroyed on the same day, like a breakup. This would be the same as if you were really excited about coming home to eat donuts. And when you came home, your cat squished them all and you couldn’t eat them. You would feel bad because the dopamine trigger was destroyed. It’s like if you were really looking forward to playing a video game and you come home and your computer had been broken, you would feel bad. You would feel bad because the dopamine trigger was destroyed and it gets replaced with a negative chemical known as cortisol. 

When you separate from somebody, all those dopamine triggers get destroyed. At the same time, you can’t do those things anymore. And you’re going to feel bad. You want to do these things but your body gives you cortisol instead, which is the stress hormone. So you feel stress, anxiety, panic, and all of it registers as pain. This is where this gets worse because after a while you forget about it, right? You move on, you go about your day and then you see something like, you know, a Mickey Mouse. You’re like, Oh my God. Oh yeah. I was going to go to Disneyland with my ex and you feel pain because the memory is recreated.

make memories to get over an ex

It’s rebuilt because you just remembered it. You associated a hope with your ex with Mickey Mouse. And so now that triggers and your brain shuts it down again. You build the memory, break it down, rebuild the memory, break it down. Every single time this happens, the dopamine trigger’s being shut off. 

This is why it doesn’t happen with a dream. A dream, you know, is never going to happen, but you actually believe these things might happen. And now they’re gone. So what we have to do is we have to stop the brain creating and recreating these dopamine triggers. And we have to create new ones. We want to create as many dopamine triggers as we can, as fast as we can, that can only exist in a universe where you are not dating this person. 

Out With the Ex, In With New Dopamine Triggers

Now what happens is you’ve got a whole bunch of dopamine triggers set up that you’re going to go and achieve. However, they can only happen in a universe where you don’t date your ex. So now if you remember doing this thing with your ex, your brain’s going to be like, Oh yeah, we’re going to shut that down. But it’s okay because we’ve got all these dopamine triggers that yet to happen. 

So your brain no longer cares about what happened with your ex. It doesn’t matter. That’s over, you’re going to go and do these other new things. If you do not create these new things, these new exciting things, that’s where the pain is. If you do this, this absolutely works. So let’s talk about how to do it.

Give Up Grief

If you’re following this method, you have to give up on the idea that you’re going to be grieving. A lot of people they’ll say, Oh, you have to grieve at the end of a relationship. Why, why are we grieving? No one died. The relationship wasn’t its own entity, right? We grieve for no reason whatsoever. If you separate from someone and they’ve moved on and you don’t move on and you’re grieving, that’s pretty bad. They didn’t die, they exist and just don’t want to be with you.

if you separate from them because you want to move on and now you’re grieving, you don’t even believe your own choice. And that’s going to cause cognitive dissonance in your mind. I completely disagree with the idea of grieving. 

You need to move on fast. 

You don’t want to sit and wallow and reminisce because what we’re going to keep doing just from a psychological point of view is rebuilding the memories and breaking them and rebuilding them and you’ll be stuck in this horrible loop.

The only way to break this loop is to create a new bridge to a bunch of new dopamine triggers. 

Here’s how to build a new dopamine trigger. You can start by thinking about all the things you wanted to do but couldn’t with your ex. So for example, if your ex told you that you were not allowed to have a PlayStation and an XBox, it’s time to make sure you buy both consoles. If your ex told you that you could not go on vacation to do certain things with the boys, it’s time to go on that vacation. If your ex told you that you could not see a certain family member that you really like seeing, it’s time to connect with that family member. 

Do all of the things your ex told you could not do

The key is to think of all the things that your ex told you that you could not do, but that you really want to do. And you create a bucket list of all of those things. 

That list is going to include meeting other people. It’s going to include dating other people, the kind of people you want to date, and you need to put absolutely everything on that bucket list. Now actually take the time to write this down (and I’d put little boxes next to it that you can check off as you do them). Some of that bucket list needs to be things you can do very quickly. Some of that bucket list needs to be things you cannot do very quickly. 

So I’m going to share one of them with you. One of my exes, she had a rule that if me and her went to a restaurant, she didn’t want me to go to that restaurant with anyone else.

how to get over an ex by going out to dinner

So the very first thing when I had separated was I made sure that I went to every single restaurant I went to with her. So my memories of those restaurants were not of her. My memories were of other people. (Fun fact, she got totally mad about that. We’d already separated. And she was mad that I went to these restaurants.) 

It makes no difference, right? You don’t need to follow their rules anymore. You’ve separated and once you separate their rules are irrelevant. The only rules that matter are your own. And I thought it was quite funny that she was mad about it because it no longer existed since we ended the relationship.

Therefore, all those special places can vanish as well. So, but by doing it, it meant that my memories of those places aren’t her anymore. My most recent memories of going to all those restaurants is with the woman I’m madly in love with, who works alongside me and who treats me with respect and services in every single way that you can imagine.

I’m a thousand times happier now.

And it’s all because I make the point of going and destroying all those previous memories. But a key component of this is as you go through, is that you need some that you can achieve straight away. Whenever we think about the ex, if you close every single one straight away, there’s nothing open.

And then when you remember the ex, you’re going to go back there. So you want quick ones and long ones, ones that are going to take awhile, like traveling to Japan or whatever it is, you know, something that you’re going to do with her. But now you’re going to do it with your boys. Or now you’re going to do it with a new girlfriend or now you’re going to do it with somebody else. 

Catch Up With Friends

You’ve got these new dopamine triggers. And the next thing you want to do is you want to meet somebody as fast as possible. Well, now you want to go on as many friend dates as possible. First friend dates are the fastest thing to get, just contact everybody that you didn’t normally spend time with because you’re with your ex and just start inviting them out. I would pack your calendar, lunchtime, dinner time, every single social hour.

If you’ve a friend you haven’t seen for a while, invite them to come stay a week and crash at your place. You want your time occupied because it is empty time. That is filled with thinking about the ex. So we want no empty time from other humans. You don’t want to withdraw into video games or into movies. 

We want to withdraw into communicating with other people. We need as much social communication as possible. So once again, our thoughts aren’t occupied with our ex, which brings us to the best form of social communication, of course, which is moving on and finding somebody else. 

Have Sex With Someone New

I normally make sure that I have sex with somebody within 24 hours, somebody brand new, somebody I’ve never met before, just move straight on and meet somebody new. 

How do I do it?

have sex to get over an ex

Well, it’s very simple. I create an online dating profile and the profile is “just broke up with my ex today. I’m not looking for a hookup, not looking for sex, not looking for a relationship. Just looking for somebody I can go to dinner with and vent about our exes.” 

Now this is so important as a dating profile, it’s a very unique profile. It’s not one I’d normally recommend creating. You’re literally asking to meet up to vent about your ex, because what are dating apps full of? That’s right. It’s full of people who are separating from people and they love the idea of meeting up and venting over the ex. If you think about it, the number one thing you told on a date to do is, do not vent about your ex cause it ruins the relationship chances, but there is an exception.

Use Dating Apps to get over an ex

That is, if you’ve both just separated, you can meet up and vent to get that. And dating apps are perfect for this. If you’ve just joined an app, make sure you fully create the profile, make the profile all about, Hey, I’m not looking for anything. I’m just looking to meet up for dinner and vent about the ex. I don’t mind even paying for the bill right now. You’re going to get people like, hell yeah, I’m down for that

Creating a new profile is great for this because the apps usually match people with new profiles. So you can go through triggers. Meet the new people, pay for the boosts, pay for all the upgrades, whatever you need to be swamped with messages from people. And then you’re going to go through absolutely everybody. And I would set up dinners back to back all week, meet up with somebody new for dinner, take pictures, put it on social media.

It Can Be Healthy To Vent

That’ll make you feel good as well. But the best part about it is you sit down at dinner and you can vent about your ex. Now while that may not sound initially very healthy. Let’s talk about this. 

What most therapists are gonna recommend is that you talk to them about your ex. So you’re getting to talk to somebody else, but if you’ve ever heard the phrase, misery loves company, your new date is going to love being able to talk about their ex as well. And as we’ve seen time and time again, when you and the person you’re on a date with both vent about your ex, it will bring you together. That misery loves company turns into bonding and rapport building over the fact you’re both upset about your exes.

Enter: Revenge Sex

This is one of the strongest ways to form a bond and will almost always lead to revenge sex, where you’re both have sex with each other because, you know, your exes. But that’s one of the fastest ways to move on and have sex with somebody else and meet up. Better yet, you told them you’re not looking for a committed relationship. You’re not looking for anything serious. So there’s no strings attached. This is just pure events, sex, and getting to text with somebody about all the things that frustrate you through the separation. 

This is very cathartic. It feels great. It’s kinda like going out in the forest and screaming. You’re actually getting to say how you feel now. Sometimes those relationships will turn into relationships and sometimes they won’t. Sometimes they’ll just end up with a great friend that you can vent to, but either way, it is one of the fastest ways of getting over your ex. And I guarantee you, if you follow absolutely everything I said, you will feel so much better about the separation within 24 hours. And this just gets better and better day after day.

Have you tried this method? Let me know how it worked out for you.

Watch Adam Lyons Describe exactly how to get over an ex fast!

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