There are three messages that you should never send when you’re connecting with someone on a dating app.
These are the messages that most people are likely to send. And if you send them, you are going to end up getting ignored, just like everybody else.
I know this because I teach men and women. And whenever I teach women, or whenever I teach men, I will look through the text message threads to see the kind of messages that are being sent. After training over 300,000 people in the last 16 years, I’m telling you for a fact, I know why most men fail on dating apps.
People that send these messages never get replies. They are the following messages.
Messages you should never send #1: Happy Monday!
Happy Monday, happy Wednesday, or whatever the day of the week it is, this is one of the worst messages. There’s no substance to it. You don’t learn anything about the other person and worse, when somebody goes to their inbox and they see seven people were “happy Monday,” it doesn’t make them want to reply to any of them.
It puts you in the same category as all these other people. The worst part is maybe you’re interesting. Maybe you’re cool. But if somebody else who’s kind of lame is sent the same message and they looked at that person’s profile first, they’re probably going to ignore yours anyway and not even look at it because they’re going to make an association that anyone that sends happy Monday, right?
Messages you should never send #2: Hello
How are you doing?
Don’t use those. Once again, when you send somebody a generic greeting, you’re actually putting all the pressure on the other person to come up with an interesting conversation. In a scenario when you’re trying to get somebody who’s attractive, they definitely have choices. That means they’re going to have a lot of different people communicating with them and with so many people saying, hi, hello, good morning, that’s a lot of pressure on them to have to come up with all sorts of different conversational replies.
Make it easy on them to respond to you by not using those and using something that stands out something very different. Avoid those generic greetings.
Messages you should never send #3: Generic Compliments
Lastly, you don’t want to do generic compliments. A generic compliment is a compliment that isn’t founded on any truth. For example:
- You’re beautiful.
- Your eyes are gorgeous.
- You’re sexy.
- I think you’re stunning.
- You know, I like you.
- You’re the wind in my sails.
None of these phrases mean anything. Why is she beautiful? Why do her eyes look good without any kind of justified reason or explanation behind the compliment? It just sounds fake. It literally could be. You’re just copying and pasting. You’re beautiful. Hello beautiful. Hi beautiful…to a whole bunch of women, waiting for one of them to respond to this really lame compliment that you don’t really mean and they don’t believe.
These generic compliments are three text messages that you never want to send to start a conversation in a dating app. Instead, you want to send something that makes you stand out from the crowd.
Intro Messages to Stand Out on a Dating App
Now I’ve got a number of cut and paste examples of things you can use that really do help you stand out, but nothing beats just actually looking at somebody’s profile and picking out a very specific thing that they care about.
I try to pick the thing that is not obvious. What I’ll do is I’ll look at the profile and I’ll figure out what most people will comment on, and that’s usually the easiest thing like a movie, a sport, or their favorite food.
I try to find something that isn’t really normal that I can comment on. For example, if I notice that in one of their pictures, they’re in a location I recognize, but it isn’t mentioned anywhere in the profile, I’ll start like this:
Hey, in picture three, is that [name of location?]
First of all, as they go through their messages, everyone else is like, hi, hey beautiful. But mine stands out.
Then they’re going to confirm whether that’s the location or not. It shows I actually paid attention to their profile. It shows I see things a little bit differently from everybody else. Also, I’m already really starting to build rapport because if I recognize the location, then I’ve got something to talk about.
The picture doesn’t have to be a location. There could be a book in the background, or it could be an item of furniture that you recognize they got from Wayfair or IKEA.
The comment can be on anything in a photo along those lines. But just try and look for that little piece of information that the average person wouldn’t spot, and that’s going to make you stand out and will increase your chances of getting a response.
Watch Adam Lyons describe the three messages you should never send!
Give it a try! Check out those details, use them to initiate conversations on dating apps, and come back to let me know how it works out for you.
Want to learn more? Check out this post on how to stop a text conversation from dying completely.