Ask the Dating Coach Blog

Adam Lyons Dating Advice

What are the “Bases” in Dating

3 min read
What Dating Apps have to say about the Corona Virus

In the realm of dating, there have been countless discussions on how things should be defined. Are we dating? Seeing each other? In a relationship? Exclusive? Generally, people will create their own explanations of what exactly is going on in their romantic lives, but some topics want to fit into an actual category. That’s right… We’re talking about sex. One of the biggest unanswered questions around sexual interaction is, “what ‘base’ did we get to?” Though there are several different versions of the concept, I think this one is the most accurate.

To begin, first base encompasses any casual physicality. Holding hands, light kissing, walking arm in arm… anything that you would consider romantic, but maybe not quite sexual, I would put at the first stop around the field. I like keeping it uncomplicated on my definition of base one, because not all people want to move quickly into the further activities. This gives couples a place to sit comfortably on the scale, implying that there is a substantial connection, but also keeping it innocent enough for most people.

Second base, things are heating up a little bit. Here we’re getting into more energetic kissing, getting a little handsy, and maybe even clothes-on grinding. This base will cover everything that we do from the waist up, as well as through-the-clothes play. Essentially, what I call the “dry activities” will hang out here. This is a pretty easy transition from first base and allows people to bump up the hot-and-heavy, without exposing their bums.

When we get to third base, things are getting juicy… quite literally. This base includes our “hands-on” activities, below the belt. I separate the second and third bases this way, because at this point, we’re dealing with bodily fluids. Hand jobs, for all genders, require a trust and security that the second base activities don’t. You really have to start considering sexual safety when you get to third base, as well as emotional support. This is where some of our insecurities may come out, as we’re sharing something with a partner that most people in our lives don’t have access to. Approach third base with respect, and your next transition will be a thousand times easier.

Finally, we’ve reached our home plate. The last base encompasses all forms of sex, oral and penetrative. I categorize this way, because it’s inclusive of all types of relationships. Not all couples have penetrative sex, but it doesn’t mean they aren’t sexually active. The important thing to note about this last base is that there is an EXCHANGE of sexual fluids, not just an exposure to them. Here is where sexual safety becomes the most important, and where true vulnerability steps in. This is the highest level of physicality between partners and should be respected as such.

So there you go! The most comprehensive, balanced explanation of the sexual “bases” I’ve encountered. In reality, every set of partners should create their OWN definitions of what each step entails. Not all people will be comfortable making the jumps listed above, and others will want to move faster. It’s 100% up to you and your partner(s) to decide for yourselves what works for you and to move at a pace that’s comfortable for all involved.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Copyright © All rights reserved.